Coach Mark Neeld searches for answers during Round 1 clash against Port Adelaide. Source: Herald Sun
FORGET fish, it was like shooting Demons in a barrel.
And it was a trigger-happy Port Adelaide brandishing the shotgun at the MCG last Sunday.
A close examination of Melbourne's humiliating 79-point shellacking has revealed how frighteningly easy the Dees were to play against.
In a footy era obsessed with defensive acts, it's opposition kicks inside 50m that teams want to pressure the most.
Ken Hinkley's team was allowed 62 inside 50s, with 34 of those under zero pressure.
Alarmingly, 18 of those unpressured entries came from within the 50m-70m zone, a significant number and the most in the competition during Round 1.
As a result, Port Adelaide retained the football 73 per cent of the time when launching within 70m from goal - 24 per cent above the round average and 15 per cent above any other team.
To paraphrase Mark Twain, reports of the death of Melbourne's "bruise-free" footy have been greatly exaggerated.
Mark Neeld used his first press conference as Melbourne coach 18 months ago to promise that the oldest club in the land would play with old-fashioned vigour.
"I simply want to coach the team that is the hardest to play against in the AFL," Neeld said at the time.
"That means all over the ground, we're going to be the hardest to play against."
On Sunday's evidence, it was a statement bordering on laughable.
After only eight minutes, Port had 30 disposals to Melbourne's six.
Brad Ebert and Hamish Hartlett had four each - two more than the entire Demons side.
Don't worry about losing the first game, what about the first eight minutes?
By the final siren, the statistics were even more horrifying.
The Power had the pill in its forward half a staggering 24 1/2 minutes longer than Melbourne.
The Demons conceded 207 disposals forward of centre and 232 uncontested possessions - both the most in the competition.
They gave up 18 marks inside 50m - again a No.1 - and they were slaughtered out of the centre 9-16. Nathan Jones, who was being worn by Kane Cornes, had seven of the nine.
To state the obvious, Melbourne wasn't playing a battle-hardened premiership contender.
They were playing a side that had an average age of 23 years 88 days, the second-youngest to run out in Round 1 and a side younger than Gold Coast.
What happens when Melbourne plays Sydney probably doesn't bear thinking about.
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